Judgement Chronicles: Writings: 2008

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Cold.

Open your eyes,
can you see me?
I live all these lies,
and I'm still breathing.
My heart screams and cries;
my time is nearing.
Relax, your fine.
Will you kill me?

Grab a gun and a bullet.
Do you think you'll pull it?
It's better than a knife in the back.
Go ahead and attack.
My life's in the trash,
and I don't want it back.

Do you want me to suffer?
Cause thats how it seems.
Wrapped me up in a cover,
threw me out in the streets.
Would you create another;
remake this murder scene?
No longer the living;
Yet this heart still beats.

Close your eyes,
go to sleep.
You live your lies,
and crush my dreams.
I'll leave you now,
don't make me stay.
You've burnt me out,
I've played your games.

Break.

Shatter me now.
My wounds are bleeding.
Temptation shall own
this life is feeding.
Fading I'm not,
yet I wish it to be.
Break me down now,
I don't want to breathe.

Close your eyes,
turn your back on the lies.
Built on a world,
that is full of disguise.
Alone, I shall be;
with all this misery.
It'll eat me alive,
but I'll be out of your life.
So every time you cry,
remember these lines
"I'll love you till death"
yet, today I have died.

Forever it would be,
though you've forgotten me.
I'm right next to you,
I watch you as you sleep.
Wondering I am,
I wish you'd hear me.
Laying beside you,
I scream as I bleed.

Suffering.

Break in your mind
Never believe in me.
What this world is
and what we shall see.
Life is unfaithful,
it's just beating me
Wrapped in the covers,
I am cold as can be.

Don't waste your time.
I'll be of no use.
I will cut your throat,
you'll hang from a noose.
You hearts on the floor,
your veins all cut loose.
I told you to leave.
..They never follow through.

I am a monster,
they call me a freak.
But soon through it all
my name they will speak.
Run them all down,
make them all weak.
They feel the pain,
yet I am suffering.
__________________

Story.

Here I sit,
alone at your side.
Crying my heart out,
as if you died.
I know you will see me,
yet emotions I can't hide.
When you ask the question,
how will I reply?

Your confused.
I am weak.
Our love is something
that can't breathe.
The tears all fall
from your cheek.
Unstable now,
my knees are weak.

I love you girl,
but we cannot be.
Confusing is,
what I am to the.
Breaking my spirit,
because you love me.
But in love is what
we wish it could be.

Please stop crying.
You know I have to leave.
We both want it now,
but we both let it be.
For this is the end,
of our story.

Beaten.

Bleeding today,
it'll be the same tomorrow.
My hearts filled with pain,
as this life's filled with sorrow.
Take careful aim,
soon my soul shall follow.
My life's filled with shame,
yet it still seems so hollow.

Break away; Break away.
Feel the pain,
I'll die today.
My heart is hurt,
life's a strain.
I don't know if
I can live this way.

Break away; Break away.
Tomorrow's day will hold my fate.
Break me in, or break away.
Will I always feel this hate?

So here we are,
bearing down on my heart.
So here you are,
tear me down from the start.

Abolish my soul
for this bloods on the floor;
leak from my veins
my body stands no more.
Crying's my tears.
My eyes are so sore.
Bruised and beaten,
my hearts on the floor.

Goodbye.

The next few post are going to be a few I have written
a while over the time of my absence.

Falling alone,
breaking down on the phone
Your calling to me
Just let me be.
I breaking, crying, bleeding.
It seems like I'm feeding
on everything that you've got.

Whats wrong with me,
i made you bleed
fall down to your knees
cause i've fought
everything that you've brought.

So with this i'm fading,
and with it i'm taking and
breaking every thing that I've got.

here I'm leaving,
pretend you've never seen me,
or that you fucking hate me for
all the pain that I've caused.

Everything's The Same, I'm Crashing; Tomorrow's A Dying Day.

Dying for today.
Tomorrow will bring the pain.
Friday the thirteenth.
That's the day that could have been.
2 months of glory.
2 months of hate.
No matter what, it was still our day.
I hate what I've done,
and I hate my ways.
If I could go back to that week,
that's the one thing I'd change.
All the crying on the fone,
all the pain that I bring.
The thought of losing you,
losing myself, I was insane.
I didn't want it,
but I did it anyways.
You weren't ready for us,
despite what you said that day.
I wish I would have stayed.
I wish I would have never made that change.
I did, because you said things would'nt be the same;
The pain, the hate, the everything.
It was out of resentment, so the resentment I tried to change.
It seems to be here, it's all still the same.
It was never my intentions for things to go this far.
And my love is lost, I carry a broken heart.
I don't want to try again, so I try no more.
For it's every night I cry, and fall to the floor.
Broken with anger, broken again.
This will not stop, I'm forever suffering.
When you see me, don't approach me.
For I'm not interested.
I'm forever lost, without one love.
I shall always feel the shame.
Never again, it's never the same.
I fought and fought.
I can't do this again.
So here I stand,
and this is what I say.
I'm giving up
on this dying day.
Tomorrow will bring
all the memories.
This is what I feel,
I realize how it could be.
Tomorrow we'd be laughing,
hell, tomorrow we'd be dancing.
Living and loving,
We'd have made a chance.
I would buy you a gift,
some flowers, some clothes.
And we'd be planning for the beach.
Its these summer nights,
that would answer our dreams.
I'm just sorry for what I've done,
though what I've done was for you.
But look at tomorrow,
and think of what could have been.
Tonight I'll be dying,
over and over again.
I'm sorry I miss it,
I'm sorry I miss you.
So here I lay.
my heart has died for you.

Fading Heart Beats

Sitting and waiting.
This is all he knows.
As this life unfolds,
tomorrow seems to only bring less hope.
What he has done,
the sins that haunt him;
he can not sleep.
All he can do is bleed.
Torn between this life, this reality.
Between being what he is,
and what he could be.
It's not fucking easy.
He tries to change,
But the changing ways just bring bleeding days.
He's fucking falling apart
with the situation thats in effect.
Because what changing him isn't sincere.
It's all fucking confused,
He feels like hes being abused.
Is it love? Was it ever love?
Seems in the dark we all change.
For in the public eye it's never the same.
Can this not be for the right reasons?
Can he not live a day without the world killing his faith?
Withered; he's not speaking.
Not for the drama to unfold.
withered; soon he won't be breathing;
for all the pain and suffering, day by day;
will this shit ever change?
Being forced to stay back,
he can't have his own way.
Why? because he abandons her.
But shes so confused, she doesn't
even know what she wants.
So why should he stick around?
To see what could have been?
But then again, that could also
show that his pain and suffering
was for nothingness.
He can't handle that shit.
He wants to give up and quit,
for she shows no interest
beyond what falls in secret.
He has know hope,
he has no reason.
He's in the trenches of all paradoxes.
Living is pointless.

Awaiting Days

Life weighs
between this happiness and hate.
Torn between this heavenly fate.
But whats left to take?
This life is so fake.
I can't wait
for these doors will open.
Whats left unspoken
storms around in my head.
Living this life
that shouldnt be lead.
hating my presence
hating my soul
Ill hate everything
for my heart is cold.
Breaking away,
breaking from stress.
This all will haunt me,
Haunt me till death.
Why can't you save me?
Save my last breath.
Savor my blood,
for in you it rest.
It's all so painful.
And pain is free.
This will chase me around
till death I will see.

Fade Away

My heart is black.
Im like a shack;
broken to pieces
and my boards all creep.

It's hard to speak,
my words are weak.
They make me bleed,
as they come to mind.

My day does on,
my day is blind.
Ask me about it,
I'll say im fine.
Im sick of my life,
im sick of my crimes.
I live these lies,
as time passes by.
Break away,
for it's time to die.

You can breathe now.
You can sleep now.
My life will be okay.
It's what I've been through,
It's what I'm used to.
One day it'll all change.
I know I'm broken,
my wounds are open.
But you don't need to stay.
Being abandoned;
it's what I'm used to,
I'll just fade away.

Don't blame yourself,
It's not your fault.
It's not what you've made.
It's something I've brought;
Upon myself, and everyone else.
This storm stalks me
and every feeling I've felt.

So go on out, leave me now.
I'm broken down,
and it's not worth it now.
So lets take this to the ground,
my dreams are all sound.
You should be happy with this,
with what you've found.

[Falling]

You can't wake me.
You can't save me.
I have already made my fate.
You can't wake me.
You can't save me.
For it is all too late.

You can't change what you've brought upon me.
In this body,
it's softly killing me,
this will in me is gone.
I sit and I wait all alone,
for this fate of my soul;
its coming so quickly.
As I sit, I see it distinctly
in the mist, its creeping.
My heart is still beating.
I want to turn around and run,
the fog fades out the sun.
But it meets me so sheeply,
facing this face, his eyes are weeping.
I see me in this guy, I am him in this life.
End my site with a knife.

So in with me, or out with me.
Im the same either way.
though you have changed me,
you can blame me.
Everythings always my fault.
I sit here so shamely,
watching my body as it hits the floor.
Im insane you see? I can't save me.
Im watching me fall.
I've already lost this war.

Broken Responses

Lay through the lies of the blood once shed.
All of once: for lies, through this life hes lead.
Spoken with promises, these lies feel his head.
When this has risen, he is, and still shall be dead.
Its not something one could keep
but through this glory, I shall sleep.
In the end, who knows who will weep
But through it all, my veins will speak.

life..

You know whats horrible?
Say your completely in love with someone,
someone that opened up your life, turned it around.
Say that someones the only thing in your life,
and you wouldnt want to live a second without them.
But.. what if that person felt the same exact way,
about another person.
What a situation you would be in,
specially when that person has control over
the person you love, and care about dearly,
yet they hate you.
Scared that if you and this person you
love gets into a relationship, that the other
person is going to come in, and take your love away.
Just rip them out of your life.. because they hate you,
and since the person you love is head over heels about that person,
you know it could happen, regardless of what others tell you.
Its kind of like loving someone, and they suddenly
die in a car wreck.. theyre gone, and theres nothing you can do.
Except in this situation, you watch it happen.
On top of that, your bipolar and manically depressive.
Life seems to live off of your sorrow, everywhere youve been,
you are put into love-hate situations, and the end always seems
to be the worst for you.
I used to know a temp. key to my happiness,
then I gave it up.
I found a new happiness, something thats everything to me,

but she can be taken away so easily.a

Uhh.

Shes broken,
confused, weak,
and on the edge.
She doesnt now what to do anymore.
She knows shes loved, but she
says it doesnt seem to matter anymore.
I dont matter as much as I once did.
Since he left her, she is down.
I want to help her, she needs my help.
But from this point, I cannot do more
than what ive already done.
Shes down and depressed.
I need to show her that she can forget him
and move on from this pain.
But I cant.
I have restrictions, as so does she.
Her parents dont approve of me.
I cant get anywhere close,
how am I to heal.
Shes all I care about, I want her to be okay.
But right now, with the choices shes making
its not getting better.
Shes putting herself in places to see him more,
she cant get over him this way.
I cant help her from so far away.
I dont know what to do.
I know this should be in 'days' but i dont care.
I dont care about anything except for her
I really wish I could help her more.

d.o.s.

Day a silence
Will be a day indeed
I wont say a word
but my name will speak
Dont worry about me
Ill be there if I breath.
If not, Ill be at home asleep.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Day of silence
shall be a day of rain
as I lay in my bed
will I breath again?
No need to cry
its just a goodbye
come an october day
memories will fade
dont blame yourself
its not what you made
its just something I cant deal with
Its just something thats to late.

Safe Place

So here I lay
Todays been a day
chaos corrupts my mind
days like this make me blind.
Forgotten, by the heaven sent
Its my own fault to an extent
Seem like my brain loves to torment.
Depressive swinging on moods
it all causes high temps and attitudes.
I need to run, to my place of shade
the place that helps all the problems fade.
Secrecy is kept, yet can be easily seen
Its the place that I go, the place in my dream.

What You Do To Me

Tonights been quite 'effy.'
It sorta started off on a bad note,
tears have fallen on a site unexpected.
But it turned out to be abit nice on this full moon.
So far anyways.
So I wrote this.

Im still sitting here, though
I used to wonder in fear
About how this was
and how it would end.
My heads starting to clear
as I look at the moon
and I realize these feeling are true

My love is strong and deeply passionate
As storms of emotions begin pass and it
Awakens my blood.
You run deep through me
Its just so soothing to
have someone
as great as you seem in my life.
I know I may come off confused
but I know that I want you
and I know that I love you
So please, just stay here with me
You make me want to be
all that I can be.
So please.. just stay here with me

Your presence just moves me
You radiate beauty
and its so magnificent
how anyone could be as perfect as you.
You complete me..oh how you do.
My body temps rising
my heart keeps pounding
with every breath Im with you.

Hope Can Heal

Tonight she is away.
But shes still in my heart.
So I write this,
as I sit in my silence.

Shes the candle that
brightens up my dark room
helps me see in my time of need
as I sit in my corner.
Alone in a dark crowded room isnt
as bad when you have a lovely light.
I love it, I love her.

Manchot

This is something I found.
I had wrote it awhile back, in January.
I suppose Ill post it up here aswell.
It sorta relates to today.

Its unbelievable
how things can take a turn
from falling on my face
to putting my heart in a race
not from the running, or gunning
from the new life thats so stunning

To fall on something so great
is there still a life to hate?
I just need to let it all fade
throw away the rusty blade
For when Im with you I am sane
All your love - washing away this pain
But bringing a new rain - of pain
in a good way,
the pain of aching to be near you
every second of the day
I just wish we could run away
from the nightmares that wont fade.

What is life without love
yet hate without pain
The pain of loosing what you
love and hating the pain of the
feelings you wish would change
Its just so insane, am I wasting away?
I would waste away
if itd make your day
If itd changed this hate
and determine our fate.
I hope its not to late.

Your heart isnt black
but it is freezing cold
Im standing at the doorway
waiting to see what will unfold.
Let in my love.
I can show you the way
Turn this cold shattered place
into something away from the hate.
Ill be all that I can be,
just to set you free
from the misery.
I know Im probably not enough
and Im pretty much emotionally fucked
but if we help each other work through
then our love can grow strong and true.

Happily Sad

Wrote this earlier today.
Just short and small,
took about 5-10 mins.
Not complete ofcourse.

Today was an absence
in any world of one happily.
For know one expected
such a tragidy.
Not this soon, not so early.
It'll be fine girl, please dont worry.
Dry your tears, please dont you cry
Ill be here, until the day I die.

Theres no need to rush
You need time to heal
I can relate
I know how you feel.
But just look at it another way
That end.. it starts a new day
This is a new beginning for you
The same for me too.
Just stay with me,
I can guide you through.

Your my everything,
is that hard to see?
I can tell its you
thats got the best of me.
My words speak whats true
When you heal
Ill be waiting for you
We will have our time
we can dance in the rain
I know this is love
I hear my heart beat your name.

Quiet Things

Just wrote this one earlier.
Bunch of stuff going on, I suppose.
Bleh.

I can only play this way for so long.
Things will slip, I might have to go on.
Choices to make, things will break.
I just hope you dont make that mistake.
I wanna be here, I really do
But I cant take what he does to you.
Things dont have to be this way
I really wish it would all just change.
Looking foward to better ways
Hopefully tomarrow holds a better day

Two Bits Of Nothingness

Wrote these both on the dates that follow.
Just little things that wonder into my mind,
things to ponder about, I suppose.

Love flows,
on a path towards sorrow
Will this end, maybe tomarrow
For what the future shall hold
We'll all have to wait and see
Is it you, thats got the best of me?
[March 8th, 2008]

It gets harder to abide
by the rules of this life
Living on this way
day by day,
having to hide
yet I can show it in what I say.
It isnt obvious unless you want it now.
Otherwise you'll have to decipher
the words I type out loud.
It can be a pattern of things,
or the words I choose to say.
Just let them play,
they'll bring out whats in meh.
I cannot lie to you
so ask what you choose.
Just remember,
the truth can hurt.
[March 14, 2008]

Alone Without You

Written: March 12, 2008.
Just wrote this one today, sitting here.
Thoughts on my mind.

Outside
its where I lay
I need to see the stars
while I pray;
for you.

These stars are a
million miles away
thats how far
you seem to be from me.
Ohh i wish it wasnt so.

Should I hold on
should I just go
Theres a hundred things
I need to know
But one things first
and thats if your okay.

As I lay here
thoughts never fade
with the cool air breeze
and the ocean waves
I wish you, were here with me.

Is it possible
Will you be back
Will I have the time to relax
on a night like this
here with you.

I know its a dream
they're just fantasies
but I think its true
youve got the best of me
and now here I lay
..alone without you

Dont Bleed - Incomplete

Written: March 11, 2008.
Wrote this in about 10 mins yesterday.

We're all just caught up in a nightmare
Your heart beat indicates you are scared
But just remember that I am here
and Ill always be, be yours truely.

Please dont leave
We can be,we can be everything you need.
I dont wanna watch you bleed
as you fall to your knees
and the tears you cry,
This is killing me.

He loved you then,
but now he makes you bleed
Your down to the point,
where you cant see.
Emotions are frozen
your lost in the sea
we can be
Please dont you bleed.

Im here tonight
Please make this right
Cause in this fight
Im losing all thats in me
As I bleed, please help me breath
I can see, your all I need.

S.A.D - Incomplete.

Written Feb. 18th, 2008.
Just realized the intials of the actual name is "sad" haha.

I see right through you
this pain you bring
and all this hate
its unbelievable how
selfish and pitiful you can be.
What you did to her
what thats doing to meh

What did you think?
I was goin to stand back and just watch this shit.
think Id just let it all fall to pieces you bitch
Your a narcissistic prick
You fabricate all this shit
Lets bring in the pills and fix
with this carcinogenicness
then we can get all fucked up
and fucking post this shit
to make it see fit
Are you contemplating any of this?
Your attention has absent mindedness,
Respect is something more significant
do you understand this pitch?
can you handle your nothingness?
Im not being sarcastic you bitch.

Hey man, what the fuck is up?
Nothing dude, just a little down with my luck
well bitch you dont have to beh in that rut
huh? - yeh just post it on myspace, be an open book
Oh I get it! Lifes about sympathy, even without misery
I can tell everyone my problems, this shits great, you see?

fuck that, your like a catcher
every one else is a rat
lets put out some cheese
watch people race to the scene
isnt everything so fuckin great?
I consider this a form of rape.
Lets see the emotions we can take!
Im sure theres a lot of shit I can fake.

whys your life got to beh shrewd?
You and your bad attitude.
have you even thought to beh happy with what you got?
There shouldnt beh an emptiness in your heart.
But no! its all got to be depressive from the start.
And what you had wasnt enough, was it?
So lets show it to the world, its an open exhibit.
Then take it to another level and stitch it
Drop all ur shit, you wish school hadnt existed.
You know it hurts her, but the pains a trip, isnt it?
But her being depressed, just depresses you back
so lets just sit and relax
what do you mean by that?
Oh grab that joint and a match.
Then we can go feed the rats!

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