life..

You know whats horrible?
Say your completely in love with someone,
someone that opened up your life, turned it around.
Say that someones the only thing in your life,
and you wouldnt want to live a second without them.
But.. what if that person felt the same exact way,
about another person.
What a situation you would be in,
specially when that person has control over
the person you love, and care about dearly,
yet they hate you.
Scared that if you and this person you
love gets into a relationship, that the other
person is going to come in, and take your love away.
Just rip them out of your life.. because they hate you,
and since the person you love is head over heels about that person,
you know it could happen, regardless of what others tell you.
Its kind of like loving someone, and they suddenly
die in a car wreck.. theyre gone, and theres nothing you can do.
Except in this situation, you watch it happen.
On top of that, your bipolar and manically depressive.
Life seems to live off of your sorrow, everywhere youve been,
you are put into love-hate situations, and the end always seems
to be the worst for you.
I used to know a temp. key to my happiness,
then I gave it up.
I found a new happiness, something thats everything to me,

but she can be taken away so easily.a

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Uhh.

Shes broken,
confused, weak,
and on the edge.
She doesnt now what to do anymore.
She knows shes loved, but she
says it doesnt seem to matter anymore.
I dont matter as much as I once did.
Since he left her, she is down.
I want to help her, she needs my help.
But from this point, I cannot do more
than what ive already done.
Shes down and depressed.
I need to show her that she can forget him
and move on from this pain.
But I cant.
I have restrictions, as so does she.
Her parents dont approve of me.
I cant get anywhere close,
how am I to heal.
Shes all I care about, I want her to be okay.
But right now, with the choices shes making
its not getting better.
Shes putting herself in places to see him more,
she cant get over him this way.
I cant help her from so far away.
I dont know what to do.
I know this should be in 'days' but i dont care.
I dont care about anything except for her
I really wish I could help her more.

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d.o.s.

Day a silence
Will be a day indeed
I wont say a word
but my name will speak
Dont worry about me
Ill be there if I breath.
If not, Ill be at home asleep.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Day of silence
shall be a day of rain
as I lay in my bed
will I breath again?
No need to cry
its just a goodbye
come an october day
memories will fade
dont blame yourself
its not what you made
its just something I cant deal with
Its just something thats to late.

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Safe Place

So here I lay
Todays been a day
chaos corrupts my mind
days like this make me blind.
Forgotten, by the heaven sent
Its my own fault to an extent
Seem like my brain loves to torment.
Depressive swinging on moods
it all causes high temps and attitudes.
I need to run, to my place of shade
the place that helps all the problems fade.
Secrecy is kept, yet can be easily seen
Its the place that I go, the place in my dream.

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What You Do To Me

Tonights been quite 'effy.'
It sorta started off on a bad note,
tears have fallen on a site unexpected.
But it turned out to be abit nice on this full moon.
So far anyways.
So I wrote this.


Im still sitting here, though
I used to wonder in fear
About how this was
and how it would end.
My heads starting to clear
as I look at the moon
and I realize these feeling are true

My love is strong and deeply passionate
As storms of emotions begin pass and it
Awakens my blood.
You run deep through me
Its just so soothing to
have someone
as great as you seem in my life.
I know I may come off confused
but I know that I want you
and I know that I love you
So please, just stay here with me
You make me want to be
all that I can be.
So please.. just stay here with me

Your presence just moves me
You radiate beauty
and its so magnificent
how anyone could be as perfect as you.
You complete me..oh how you do.
My body temps rising
my heart keeps pounding
with every breath Im with you.

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Hope Can Heal

Tonight she is away.
But shes still in my heart.
So I write this,
as I sit in my silence.


Shes the candle that
brightens up my dark room
helps me see in my time of need
as I sit in my corner.
Alone in a dark crowded room isnt
as bad when you have a lovely light.
I love it, I love her.

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Manchot

This is something I found.
I had wrote it awhile back, in January.
I suppose Ill post it up here aswell.
It sorta relates to today.


Its unbelievable
how things can take a turn
from falling on my face
to putting my heart in a race
not from the running, or gunning
from the new life thats so stunning

To fall on something so great
is there still a life to hate?
I just need to let it all fade
throw away the rusty blade
For when Im with you I am sane
All your love - washing away this pain
But bringing a new rain - of pain
in a good way,
the pain of aching to be near you
every second of the day
I just wish we could run away
from the nightmares that wont fade.

What is life without love
yet hate without pain
The pain of loosing what you
love and hating the pain of the
feelings you wish would change
Its just so insane, am I wasting away?
I would waste away
if itd make your day
If itd changed this hate
and determine our fate.
I hope its not to late.

Your heart isnt black
but it is freezing cold
Im standing at the doorway
waiting to see what will unfold.
Let in my love.
I can show you the way
Turn this cold shattered place
into something away from the hate.
Ill be all that I can be,
just to set you free
from the misery.
I know Im probably not enough
and Im pretty much emotionally fucked
but if we help each other work through
then our love can grow strong and true.

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Happily Sad

Wrote this earlier today.
Just short and small,
took about 5-10 mins.
Not complete ofcourse.

Today was an absence
in any world of one happily.
For know one expected
such a tragidy.
Not this soon, not so early.
It'll be fine girl, please dont worry.
Dry your tears, please dont you cry
Ill be here, until the day I die.

Theres no need to rush
You need time to heal
I can relate
I know how you feel.
But just look at it another way
That end.. it starts a new day
This is a new beginning for you
The same for me too.
Just stay with me,
I can guide you through.

Your my everything,
is that hard to see?
I can tell its you
thats got the best of me.
My words speak whats true
When you heal
Ill be waiting for you
We will have our time
we can dance in the rain
I know this is love
I hear my heart beat your name.

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Quiet Things

Just wrote this one earlier.
Bunch of stuff going on, I suppose.
Bleh.


I can only play this way for so long.
Things will slip, I might have to go on.
Choices to make, things will break.
I just hope you dont make that mistake.
I wanna be here, I really do
But I cant take what he does to you.
Things dont have to be this way
I really wish it would all just change.
Looking foward to better ways
Hopefully tomarrow holds a better day

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Two Bits Of Nothingness

Wrote these both on the dates that follow.
Just little things that wonder into my mind,
things to ponder about, I suppose.


Love flows,
on a path towards sorrow
Will this end, maybe tomarrow
For what the future shall hold
We'll all have to wait and see
Is it you, thats got the best of me?
[March 8th, 2008]


It gets harder to abide
by the rules of this life
Living on this way
day by day,
having to hide
yet I can show it in what I say.
It isnt obvious unless you want it now.
Otherwise you'll have to decipher
the words I type out loud.
It can be a pattern of things,
or the words I choose to say.
Just let them play,
they'll bring out whats in meh.
I cannot lie to you
so ask what you choose.
Just remember,
the truth can hurt.
[March 14, 2008]

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Alone Without You

Written: March 12, 2008.
Just wrote this one today, sitting here.
Thoughts on my mind.


Outside
its where I lay
I need to see the stars
while I pray;
for you.

These stars are a
million miles away
thats how far
you seem to be from me.
Ohh i wish it wasnt so.

Should I hold on
should I just go
Theres a hundred things
I need to know
But one things first
and thats if your okay.

As I lay here
thoughts never fade
with the cool air breeze
and the ocean waves
I wish you, were here with me.

Is it possible
Will you be back
Will I have the time to relax
on a night like this
here with you.

I know its a dream
they're just fantasies
but I think its true
youve got the best of me
and now here I lay
..alone without you

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Dont Bleed - Incomplete

Written: March 11, 2008.
Wrote this in about 10 mins yesterday.


We're all just caught up in a nightmare
Your heart beat indicates you are scared
But just remember that I am here
and Ill always be, be yours truely.

Please dont leave
We can be,we can be everything you need.
I dont wanna watch you bleed
as you fall to your knees
and the tears you cry,
This is killing me.

He loved you then,
but now he makes you bleed
Your down to the point,
where you cant see.
Emotions are frozen
your lost in the sea
we can be
Please dont you bleed.

Im here tonight
Please make this right
Cause in this fight
Im losing all thats in me
As I bleed, please help me breath
I can see, your all I need.

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S.A.D - Incomplete.

Written Feb. 18th, 2008.
Just realized the intials of the actual name is "sad" haha.


I see right through you
this pain you bring
and all this hate
its unbelievable how
selfish and pitiful you can be.
What you did to her
what thats doing to meh

What did you think?
I was goin to stand back and just watch this shit.
think Id just let it all fall to pieces you bitch
Your a narcissistic prick
You fabricate all this shit
Lets bring in the pills and fix
with this carcinogenicness
then we can get all fucked up
and fucking post this shit
to make it see fit
Are you contemplating any of this?
Your attention has absent mindedness,
Respect is something more significant
do you understand this pitch?
can you handle your nothingness?
Im not being sarcastic you bitch.

Hey man, what the fuck is up?
Nothing dude, just a little down with my luck
well bitch you dont have to beh in that rut
huh? - yeh just post it on myspace, be an open book
Oh I get it! Lifes about sympathy, even without misery
I can tell everyone my problems, this shits great, you see?

fuck that, your like a catcher
every one else is a rat
lets put out some cheese
watch people race to the scene
isnt everything so fuckin great?
I consider this a form of rape.
Lets see the emotions we can take!
Im sure theres a lot of shit I can fake.

whys your life got to beh shrewd?
You and your bad attitude.
have you even thought to beh happy with what you got?
There shouldnt beh an emptiness in your heart.
But no! its all got to be depressive from the start.
And what you had wasnt enough, was it?
So lets show it to the world, its an open exhibit.
Then take it to another level and stitch it
Drop all ur shit, you wish school hadnt existed.
You know it hurts her, but the pains a trip, isnt it?
But her being depressed, just depresses you back
so lets just sit and relax
what do you mean by that?
Oh grab that joint and a match.
Then we can go feed the rats!

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